Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
