He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
