got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
