i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
