Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
