Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
