Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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