u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
