Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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