I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
