dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
