Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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