Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize