i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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