Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
