your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have post one night stand depression
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
