Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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