this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
