Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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