i may or may not be watching the land before time
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
