if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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