I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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