I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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