so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
