I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
