kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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