she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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