Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
