peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
