I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
