Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
