NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
