i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
