this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
