Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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