dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
