That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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