omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
