oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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