Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
