Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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