dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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