Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
