So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
