just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
