This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
