it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
