Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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