OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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