I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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