Tell her she can't have a vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
