i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
only if we run a train.
done.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
