Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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