Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
