I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
