And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The adults are the big ones right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize