...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
