Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
