Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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