Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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