I think i peed on brittanys purse
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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