he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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