Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im part way to drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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