wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize