So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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