five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
